virus number one
I have always said that when I do have kids “I am going to be the no stress calm mother” – I mean after all I had a relaxed upbringing, why wouldn’t I? I have always wanted to be the sort of mother that allows everyone to have a cuddle and pick up bubs. The kind of mother that lets the dummy (oh yes, dummy) fall on the ground and only give it a little suck with my own mouth before popping it back into bubs mouth. The kind of mother that looks on calmly as bubs crawls around in the sandpit, climbs the slide at the park and sucks on toys at the doctors surgery.
But that was a week ago.
Now my hands are dry and raw from constant washing. Why? Diarrhea. Yes, I said it. I am talking about runny poos. Not me – no – but my poor wee 11 week old girl. We have been to the doctors twice this week (once a mercy dash to an emergency room over half an hours’ drive away due to the exorbitantly long queue at the closest rooms). Does anyone out there know how terrifying babies can be?? Have you ever seen a nappy full of green poo?
Ew. I know too much information. But please. And as we all know, babies cannot talk – they cry on occasion – but it’s the small grunt before the explosion in the pants that is absolutely heart breaking.
Of course, as any modern mother does these days, I immediately began typing various words into Google. Words like “green”, “poo” and “dehydration”. Amazing how the whole self diagnosis thing can work you into a paranoid lather of worry so much so that you imagine symptoms (can you say hypochondriac?). And back to the fact that babies can’t talk, the only way you can tell how they are feeling is via visual cues! Ok, so I jumped the gun and we were off to the emergency room, but you know what? I needed to do that for my own peace of mind.
By the way, she is actually sick. And I hold to the fact that she needed to go to the doctor due to possible dehydration.
So now I am thinking back over the past week and trying to imagine when it was that my wee girl picked up this gross virus. According to the doctor we saw on Friday, it can come from people not washing their hands, it can be airborne, it can be sitting on toys or anything that can be touched. IT IS EVERYWHERE!!
I find myself standing in the line at the supermarket contemplating purchasing the bottle of hand sanitiser that I have always despised. I have always been proud of the fact that I don’t do things like washing hands after touching my cats or holding the supermarket trolley handle. Now I am counting to 30 in my head as I wash up with very soapy hands in water that is almost scalding.
What ever happened to the days when I was so buy with my life that I could only wash my hands for 10 seconds as I had to rush out the door? Ah, but I digress.
Right – all paranoia aside (for the moment only), I know I KNOW that all babies get sick – and that they need to in order to get immunity from some of the nasties out there in the world but I never expected her to get sick so soon. Nor did I believe it would take over a week to get well (she is still not well yet). But it is the pressure – on me – to help bubs get well. Things like I have to now express all my fore milk and only feed her hind milk (the fore milk acts as a laxative). So as I write this, my nipples feel as if I have had pegs on them all day. Ouch.
So here I am now, with the calm exterior of the mother I always wanted to be but meanwhile beneath seethes the soul of a woman desperate to hide her bubba away from prying hands and sneezing illnesses. I guess I have now officially become a mother. I am the duplicitous reality of how a mum needs to be to survive this modern world; quietly paranoid.